Jurassic World

Starring: Chris Pratt, Bryce Dallas Howard

Now I’m not exactly going to say Jurassic World is a dino-sized pile of dung, because truth be told it’s actually pretty entertaining, and A LOT of people get eaten! What I will say is it’s completely unoriginal and uninspiring. But don’t take my word for it, you be the judge.

Twenty-two years have passed since dinosaurs first began noshing on human hot-dogs in the original Jurassic Park, and it seems the great dream of deceased owner, John Hammond, has finally come to fruition. Jurassic World is now a functioning interactive theme park, though in recent years public attendance has steadily decreased due to boredom; poor old T-Rex just ain’t cuttin it no more.

The solution? Genetically design a larger, smarter, meaner predator of course! Introducing: INDOMINOUS-REX, sounding more like an intestinal detox pill for dogs than a dinosaur.

Expert raptor trainer and animal behaviour specialist, Owen Grady (Pratt) is having none of it. Like Nostradamus, his foretelling of danger is as limp as a burst balloon, and before long the inevitable happens… INDOMINOUS-REX escapes its enclosure and begins mercilessly eating and maiming everything in its path! What a surprise.

Turns out a bunch of people are trying to smuggle embryos off the island, this time to sell as weapons-grade assets to the US military, which reeks of Ridley Scotts’ Alien quadrilogy.

Perhaps if Steven Spielberg were behind the camera, and the dinosaurs weren’t all cartoons on a green screen, Jurassic World may have proven noteworthy. Instead, this is one of dozens of remakes and sequels erroneously heaving out of the bloated bowel of Hollywood right now.

That’s where I left Jurassic World feeling disappointed. Though worth seeing on the big screen once, I highly doubt I’ll ever wade through that dino-dung ever again. Shame really, it had such potential.

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